Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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