i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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