I just cut my nipple shaving
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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