Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
