Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't deserve a penis
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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