i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Randomize
