I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
