Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
