Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
