I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
