Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
