Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
