Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
