Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
