i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
