i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
