I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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