How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
