How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
