I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
