my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
MIDGETS
????
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
