You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
