Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
