Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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