she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
