my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
