Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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