you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
