He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
A bitchslap is in order.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
