i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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