Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
