if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
