dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
