why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
