Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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