She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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