If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
