how can u be prego again
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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