just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
