Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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