He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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