glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
