he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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