So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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