I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
