I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
