id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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