There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
MIDGETS
????
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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