Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
