Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
