I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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